Practice Self-Care: Building Resilience

Research shows that some simple physical strategies can successfully build resilience and preserve good health. Make these four items priorities in your life:

Adequate Sleep: Sleep is not a waste of time or a luxury. Sleep is a productive time when your body and brain rejuvenate. Sleep strengthens your immune system and balances out moods. It improves your memory and helps you to focus, think, and learn. Sleep deprivation increases stress and the risk of accidents; it can lead to high blood pressure, heart attack, stroke, obesity, or depression. Most adults need 7-8 hours of sleep each night.

Regular Movement: Physical activity boosts physical and mental health, improves sleep, reduces stress, increases alertness, and raises energy. Combined with healthy eating, it can help prevent a host of chronic diseases. CDC guidelines suggest that you should be active 30 minutes a day, 5 days a week.

You don’t need to go to a gym; any movement counts. Choose something you like, such as: walking, gardening, bowling, dancing, biking, or yoga. Any activity is better than none, so limit “screen time” and set goals to increase activity. Happily, if you are not currently fit you may see greater benefits from physical activity than those who are already fit.

Good Grooming: Cleanliness costs nothing more than the price of soap and toothpaste. Dressing well needn’t be expensive, either. But personal grooming: cleaning your skin and clothes, using a lotion or attractive scent, keeping hair clean and neatly combed, and keeping clothes in good repair all help you to look and feel good. Good grooming and healthy personal habits help you ward off illnesses and attract others to you. They help you feel good about yourself.

Avoiding harm: Stay safe by focusing on medications, alcohol, and tobacco. Use medications as prescribed and dispose of those that are outdated. Never share prescribed drugs with another person. If you have questions about prescriptions, ask your primary care provider or pharmacist. If you are taking a variety of medications, be sure to share this list with your physician and pharmacist.

Drink alcohol in moderation or not at all. CDC guidelines define moderate drinking as up to 2 drinks per day for men and 1 drink per day for women. It is not safe to drink and drive, or to drink when pregnant. Smoking or chewing tobacco is never safe.

Physical Strategies for Resilient Caregivers

None of these ideas are difficult, but choosing them can be. Disciplined, healthy choices are wise; they recognize that physical self-care isn’t a nicety, it’s a necessity. As a caregiver, protecting your physical fitness and health benefits you and those in your care. If your energy drains away and your body breaks down, caregiving tasks that were once manageable will become difficult or impossible to do. Make healthy choices to boost your resilience and preserve your capacity to care.

Nutritious eating promotes good health, building strength and stamina needed for providing care. It helps decrease a caregiver’s risk for developing minor ailments or more serious chronic illnesses. And good nutrition strengthens the immune system’s ability fight those illnesses that do arise.

Poor nutrition leads to fatigue and illness, increasing the risk for serious health problems. It leads to longer recovery times, increased risk of infections, and greater risk of falls. Choosing nutritious food is one of the most powerful things a caregiver can do to stay healthy, build resilience, and continue caring. A resilient caregiver eats a healthy diet. Click here for more information.

Nutritional Strategies that Work

Research shows that good nutrition for caregivers is based on healthful food choices and eating behaviors. Take these three steps toward better nutrition:

Eat a Balanced Diet: A well-balanced diet provides the energy and nutrients your body needs to function, remain healthy, and grow. Guidelines on www.ChooseMyPlate.gov emphasize:

• Choosing colorful fruits and vegetables, whole grains, lean fish and poultry, low-fat dairy products
• Limiting red meat, sugar, salt or saturated fats like butter
• Controlling portion size, sugary drinks, and the quantity of snacks or comfort foods.

The Mayo Clinic adds that drinking at least eight 8-ounce glasses of fluid a day is another important part of a healthy diet.

In The National Institutes of Health’s e-book, What’s on Your Plate: Smart Food Choices for Healthy Aging you can learn all the basics about food types, recommended daily calories, portion size, sample menus, and overcoming roadblocks to healthy eating.

Select Healthy Snacks: Though often discouraged, eating between meals can actually be good for holding off hunger and keeping energy high. The trick is to choose wisely and eat in moderation. Look for foods that are proteins, fresh fruits or vegetables, whole grains, or low-fat dairy, rather than simple starches, refined sugars, or processed foods. The American Heart Association recommends selecting nutrient-rich foods like these:

When snacking, limit calorie intake; it’s a snack, not another meal! For some ideas on low-cal choices, check out these resources:

• Women’s Health: The 53 Best Healthy Snacks For Weight Loss, According To Nutritionists
• WebMD: The Best Healthy Snacks in Your Supermarket
• Greatist: 87 Healthy Low Calorie Snacks That Fill You Up

Overcome Barriers to Healthy Eating:

At some time all of us make unwise eating choices. Which of these barriers apply to you?

• Overindulging: Processed foods, sweets, salty snacks, high-fat foods; frequent fast-food meals or restaurant meals
• Under-selecting: Too few fresh vegetables, fruits, whole grains, lean protein, low-fat dairy, not drinking enough water, skipping meals
• Lack of self-control: Binge eating, overeating to point of being stuffed, frequent snacking
• Emotional eating: When anxious, depressed, lonely, angry, frustrated or bored
• Not preparing healthy food: No time, too tired, too busy, too expensive, don’t know how, family/friends won’t eat healthy food if I prepare it.

Replacing these choices and behaviors with more nutritious ones will improve your health, increase your resilience, and sustain your energy for caregiving. Check-out these links for some ways to overcome your barriers to healthy eating:

• Health Canada: Tips for healthy eating
• Psychology Today: Five Strategies for Overcoming Emotional Eating

Healthy Nutrition for Resilient Caregivers

None of these ideas are difficult, but choosing them can be. Disciplined, healthy eating patterns are an important way to build your strength and stamina. Protecting your wellbeing benefits both you and those in your care. Use these nutritional strategies to boost your resilience and preserve your capacity to care.

Common sense recognizes that healthy bodies are better able to function and handle adversity. Many caregivers encourage loved ones to manage their health by visiting the doctor, scheduling preventive screenings, or monitoring medications. But caregivers often neglect their own health. Don’t put your health at risk. Take these practical steps to protect your health.

Access quality health care

Prevent health problems

Protect your health with preventive care and screenings. These decrease the risk of serious illnesses and increase the likelihood of finding conditions early, when they are most manageable.

Manage health problems

Chronic conditions, physical injuries and related pain deplete energy and make it harder to care for others. Chronic conditions are long-lasting, and can be controlled but not cured. Examples include:

• Asthma
• Back and neck pain
• Diabetes
• Heart disease and high blood pressure
• Obesity
• Mental health problems
• Substance abuse

Although chronic conditions are among the most common and costly health problems, they are also among the most preventable and most can be effectively controlled. Untreated or poorly managed, pain, injuries and chronic conditions limit stamina and physical capabilities; lead to depression; and disrupt family and work-life.

Proper diagnosis, treatment, physical rehab, and supportive therapies are crucial. Be proactive about managing your health. For additional information, check out these resources:

• MedLine Plus: Coping with Chronic Illness
• WebMD Dealing With Chronic Illnesses and Depression

Medical Strategies for Resilient Caregivers

Acknowledging the importance of your own health isn’t difficult, but it’s often difficult finding time for self-care. Remember that you can’t help if you can’t function. Don’t let sickness or injury keep you from providing the care you want to give. Use these medical strategies to protect your health and preserve your capacity to care.

Connecting with the natural world and finding sanctuary in our home environment are proven sources of resilient energy.

Hundreds of studies confirm that direct contact with nature reduces stress. It also promotes mental health and spiritual development; strengthens self-confidence and self-discipline; and improves connection to others in the community. Even indirect contact — viewing nature through a window or having indoor plants — has been shown to speed recovery and improve memory, concentration, satisfaction and work performance.

Source: Texas A&M AgriLife Extension: Health and well-being benefits of plants

In Bouncing Back (2013), author Linda Graham describes the value of creating a place of refuge, which she defines as a “safe, supportive place to be when we are fragile or confused, a safe place to cry or rant as long as we need to, or somewhere to wait patiently until a course of action begins to emerge from the chaos…In this refuge, we replenish ourselves. We help our nervous systems return to, or remain in, the state of physiological calm and equanimity called the ‘window of tolerance’.”

This place of refuge can be real, in our homes, or it can be envisioned in our minds. Evoking a safe haven in the imagination can feel as real to the brain as a real, physical place.

Connecting with a Nurturing Environment

Use these three strategies when your caregiving journey is difficult. They will help you tap into refreshing energy that is all around you.

Get close to nature.

There are countless ways to connect with the healing, stress-reducing power of nature. The simplest way to recharge is to step outside your door and inhale deeply. Feel the sun’s warmth, the cool raindrops, or frigid blast of falling snow on your skin. Look up into the dark night sky; wonder at the moon and stars, or the dense covering of clouds. Listen for birds singing or the wind rustling the leaves. Drink it in and be grateful for whatever nature has in store for you at the moment.

With more time, go beyond your doorstep, alone or with others. Go to the nearest lake, river or seashore; take a picnic lunch or go fishing. Hike in the hills or just stroll around your neighborhood. Play at the park with a little child. Walk barefoot in the grass or sand; wade in a puddle. Dig in the dirt. Nibble a freshly-picked herb from the garden. Stop and smell the roses. Let all five senses drink in the beauty, and be calmed by the grandeur and order all around. Spend time outside; it isn’t expensive but it’s a priceless way to give your body and mind a rest.

For more ideas:

• Fun Things to Do Outside
• Connect With Nature
• 3 Ways to Tune In and Connect with Nature

Finally, find the grace to flow with peaks and valleys of your life by reflecting on the cycles of nature. The cold of winter gives way to small buds of spring. The full-flower of summer can’t last forever; autumn’s decline has a peace and beauty all its own. As caregivers, it’s good to be reminded that, no matter how difficult the winter, spring always comes.

• The home safety checklist from AARP is a helpful guide.
• The American Academy of Orthopaedic Surgeons suggests ways to prevent falls, a major cause of serious injury to people of all ages, especially for the elderly.
• Prepare for emergencies by following this Red Cross Plan.
• Find ways to reduce the toxins in your home.
• Organize important papers so they’re easily accessible when you need them.

After addressing safety, focus on creating comfort. Home won’t feel like a refuge if the environment is unsettled. What are irritants that bother you, things like noise, air quality, heat, cold, drafts or clutter? Identify what could reduce these stressors and help make your home a haven that feels good to you. Then take steps to bring these qualities into your home: clean up a messy room; organize your desk, a drawer or your files; de-clutter the kitchen counter; bring in flowers or a house plant; turn down bright lights; play soothing music. Do whatever will help settle your jangled nerves or shift your energy levels. Anything that promotes beauty, calm, cleanliness or order can feed you with resilient energy, a great help when caregiving is challenging.

Go to a safe place in your mind.

Guided imagery is a therapeutic technique. You can use it to create calm in your internal environment. Safe Place Guided Imagery is a popular meditation you can use to relax your nervous system and emotions, shift from negative to more positive thinking, and regain a sense of balance and control.

When caregiving is painful or overwhelming, use this practice to create inner calm. Use this Safe Place Guided Imagery to help you adopt this as one of your resilience-building strategies.

Environmental Strategies for Resilient Caregivers

Going to a safe haven in your home, your heart or in the natural world isn’t difficult, but getting there can be. Don’t let commitments, concerns or clutter block your way to a place of peace. Whatever you do to connect with a safe, calm environment will be good for both you and those in your care. As you do so much for others, remember to take good care of yourself, too…Jane

Throughout history, wisdom writers have advised us to respect the power of the mind.

Ideas are the source of all things. – Plato

We are what we think; all that we are arises in our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world. – Buddha

Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. – Mahatma Gandhi

Change your thoughts and you change your world. – Norman Vincent Peale

21st century research bears out the wisdom of the ages. Boost your resilience with these two mental practices.

Optimism and pessimism are choices about how to look at the world, powerful thought patterns that can be changed with practice. Where pessimists are stopped by adverse conditions, unrealistic optimists are Pollyanna’s who unwisely plunge ahead, ignoring real needs or threats. Neither of these promote resilience.

Instead, choose realistic optimism, a lens that acknowledges reality and promotes clear thinking. Strongly related to resilience, realistic optimism promotes good health, successful relationships and strength to handle adversity.

Use Mindfulness Practices to Build Resilience

Mindfulness involves being attentive to present thoughts, feelings, physical sensations and surroundings; accepting these without judgment and without letting thoughts anxiously focus on past or future concerns. Mindful breathing and mindfulness meditation are two key methods for reducing anxiety and creating inner calm.

Mindful Breathing: You breathe continuously, usually without awareness. Practice observing your breath without reacting; simply attend to it and feel it without attempting to change it. By intentionally focusing on your breath you can ground yourself in the present moment.

Deep breathing lowers your heart rate, anxiety, and muscle tension. It is the easiest way to elicit the relaxation response. In moments of high stress, pay attention to your breathing; breathe slowly and deeply from your abdomen. For the on-going stress of caregiving, make it a practice to breathe slowly and deeply for at least three minutes every day.

There are many exercises for developing mindful breathing. Check this link for guidance from wellness expert, Dr. Andrew Weil.

Mindfulness Meditation: Formal meditation practice is rooted in ancient Buddhism, and because of its holistic health benefits, has been adopted by western culture. Mindfulness meditation is practiced sitting upright on a chair with eyes closed, or cross-legged on a cushion. Attention is focused on breathing in and out, as described above in the breathing activity. Instead of the breath, a word or phrase may be chosen as a focal point, e.g. “God,” “peace,” or “I am loved.”

Thoughts that arise are recognized in an accepting, non-judgmental way; then focus is returned to the breath, word or phrase. Those who practice meditation often start with a short periods of 10 minutes each day. With regular practice, time spent meditating is extended; it becomes easier to keep focused attention and to experience the calming benefits of meditation.

Psychology Today presents an overview of meditation: How to Practice Mindfulness Meditation

Try this video to experience a brief guided meditation: Mindfulness Guided Meditation – 5 Minutes

Psychological Strategies for Resilient Caregivers

Using your mind and mindfulness practices isn’t difficult, but choosing them can be. Uncertainty can get in the way of choosing unfamiliar mindfulness practices. Changing ingrained patterns can be very hard, especially when feeling worn down by the challenges of caregiving. Don’t let hesitations or old habits hinder you from experiencing the benefits of these resilience-building practices.

Social support refers to providing informational, emotional, or tangible, “hands-on” help. Researchers have demonstrated that social support builds resilience when it helps people face difficult situations, or promotes the use of healthy behaviors.

In Resilience, Steven Southwick and Dennis Charney (2018) report on multiple studies that describe the benefits of strong, positive relationships. Connecting with others relieves stress, improves physical health and prolongs life. Good support from others also enhances emotional well-being and protects against depression.

Practical Ways to Connect and Build Resilience

Knowing the power of social support, try these strategies to reach out and connect with others.

Connect to help and support

Ask for and be open to receiving help. Even if you dislike doing it, ask others to help with tasks, give advice, share contacts, or simply listen. Caregiving is too big a job to handle on your own.

If you’re overwhelmed, or simply very busy, reach out for help. Name your needs and people who might be willing to help. Check the Action Plan for Getting Help. It will prepare you to respond when someone asks, “How can I help?”

And check-out these two great websites:

• Lotsa Helping Hands is a free, online community that offers tools that help caregivers connect with volunteers who want to offer support.
• Share the Care is a practical, step-by-step model for creating a “caregiving group” who will come together to support someone facing a health or aging crisis. Proven effective and available both online and as a paperback, these guidelines are easy to replicate and eliminate the need to reinvent the wheel.

Connect to understanding and empathy

Reach out when you’re lonely or sad. Don’t withdraw into your own world. Even if it’s hard, connect to others via phone calls, texts, emails, Zoom chats, notes or friendly visits. Meet a friend for coffee or to take a walk together. Even brief, informal exchanges with others can give you positive energy.

When reaching out, stretch beyond your immediate circle of family and friends. Online caregiver organizations, condition-related organizations and faith communities are places where you can connect with people who understand and support caregivers.

Join a support group. If you have mixed feelings about joining, know that you’re not alone! Noted psychologist, Barry Jacobs, in his article, The Reality of Caregiving Support Groups, describes groups that work, and why some aren’t so successful. But he is clear that “all family caregivers can benefit from talking with others in similar situations.”

There is much online support for caregivers. Google “support groups for caregivers” or follow these links:

• Alzheimer’s Association
• Family Caregiver Alliance

Connect to hope and inspiration

Resilient people gain strength and hope from imitating their role models (Southwick and Charney, 2018). Think of people who have successfully handled adversity, hardships and challenges. They may be real folks you know or who you’ve only heard about; people who are alive or dead; fictional characters from a movie or book; historic figures or famous people from any walk of life. Identify qualities or specific behaviors that helped them get through, or that yielded the outcome you desire. Then, replicate that behavior.

As an example, the story of how Vietnam POW’s survived three years in solitary confinement may inspire you. It reveals the power of human connection and our capacity to survive adversity. In  this video, you’ll see how their “tap code” connected them and sustained their lives. Have confidence in your resilience. Remember that all things pass away…including difficult times! Think of how the “tap code” helped the POW’s. Imitate them by finding ways to communicate and connect with others.

Easter Seals provides hour-long on-demand educational sessions for all military caregivers, providing tips and tools on topics including depression, childcare, intimacy, hearing loss, caregiver self-care and home safety.

Social Strategies for Resilient Caregivers

Reaching out and connecting with others isn’t complicated, but it can be difficult to do. Fatigue, depression, busy-ness, embarrassment and resentment are just a few things that block caregivers from connecting with others. Don’t let barriers like these hinder you from receiving life-giving support.

Spirituality is an aspect of every human life, the deeply held beliefs that guide and give meaning. These beliefs act as lenses through which we see the world, and as ethical guides for how we act in the world. Spirituality can also be experienced through both religious and secular practices. Religious practices include prayer, worship, reading scripture or religious meditation. Secular practices include appreciating nature and the arts; participating in yoga or volunteer work.

Spiritual Resources for Caregivers

When your caregiving journey is difficult, use spiritual resources like these to build inner strength and stamina.

Reflection: Consider the purpose and value of all you do as a caregiver. Spend quiet time alone. Capture your thoughts and feelings by journaling. Talk with a counselor or clergy person, a friend or family member who you trust.

Visit Willowgreen to view James Miller’s inspiring words, soothing music, and beautiful nature photography. One of his video meditations is A Caregiver’s Prayer for Calmness. Or read A Spirituality of Caregiving: Reflections on the joys and anguish of caregiving, by the great 20th Century spiritual writer, Henri Nouwen.

Connection: Commune with nature to be reminded of a Higher Power that created and sustains the universe, throughout all time and in all circumstances. Spend time at a park, near the ocean or a lake, in the forest, on a hillside or mountain. Look and listen; absorb the power and beauty. Find rest and renewal in nature.

Connect with God through prayer, worship, scriptures, or meditation. Through this connection, you can feel the presence of a Higher Power upholding you during times of trial. If you’ve never actively prayed, or if it’s been a long time, give it a try and see how it feels. An interesting post on The Role of Spirituality in a Caregiver’s Life can be found at YourAgingParent.com.

Gratitude: Giving thanks is the root of peace and joy. Regularly savor good and enjoyable aspects of your life; they’re not owed to you, but are gifts. If you’re in need of some caregiver inspiration, watch The Power of Gratitude.

Deepen your gratitude by taking time at the start or end of each day to give thanks for people and things that bless your life. Or set the alarm on your smart phone to ring each day; when you hear it, recall three things for which you give thanks.

In a Daily Gratitude Journal write a list of things you’re grateful for each day. Write a letter of gratitude to someone who has especially touched your life and tell them what their care has meant to you. Sign-up to receive daily quotes about gratitude from www.gratefulness.org

Spiritual Practices for Resilient Caregivers

Reflection, connection, and gratitude aren’t difficult to do, but task-driven busy-ness can get in the way. Don’t let the world’s agenda steal your time for spiritual sustenance.

Because this is a personal journey, no one spiritual resource works for everyone. Select practices that work well for you. Add them to other physical, mental and social strategies you use to build resilience.

While some families are shattered by crises or chronic stress, others pull together and are strengthened. What distinguishes one from the other is family resilience. Building your family’s resilience creates stamina, strength and the capacity to cope. It decreases vulnerability to stress; helps you solve problems, sustains your health, well-being and capacity to care.

Resilience is present to varying degrees in both individuals and families. Fortunately, with attention and practice family resilience can be strengthened.

Because your family and your caregiving experience are unique, no one set of recommendations will work for everyone. Cultivate those qualities that will nurture your family. Whatever you do to foster healthy, resilient relationships will be good for all of you.